You're so nebulous sometimes
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
tonight lets celebrate not being married
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
