I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
