In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
