Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
