Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
