He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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