Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
