i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
