...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
