So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
