dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
