if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize