I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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