you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
