So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
