haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
