It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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