He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You have to summon your inner elephant
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
