im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
