i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
