Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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