My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
