every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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