If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
