the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize