you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
This is classic penis vs brain.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
