I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize