Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
