My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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