I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
