I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
now i know why i became what i already was.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize