Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
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