oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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