The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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