I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
