Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
