After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
