Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
