About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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