Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
