i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
