Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
