I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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