When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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