I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
