A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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