Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
ttyl tear gas
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Randomize
