you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
