I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize