she's into porn, im staying here tonight
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I can't put those talents on a resume
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
